


when its so cold

by Pentaphobe



Series: Songs of Ice and Fire [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fem!Finn, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 07:05:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5903554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pentaphobe/pseuds/Pentaphobe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren finding out that if he wants what he does, he has to learn to shake the cold..</p>
            </blockquote>





	when its so cold

**Author's Note:**

> tl;dr Bad attempt at feels from being in a shit mood; potentially might make a two part-er since I'm in a better mood and this is a good opportunity for make up sex. Eh.

The startled emotion in her left him raw.

For once, the numbness he had to the thought of the life lost in his allegiance under his master felt wrong. The stuttered step from her left him in an ache. The serenity that he found was unraveled, the stir of emotions as he thought to her was unkind -- complications like this were lost to him, he paced his chambers. Uncertainty claiming him as he attempted to exact out thoughts to rectify this; till, there was blaring light from the corner of his eyes. It shone red and bright, calling to him. To the hand that laid over him. 

His fists clenched as he tried to focus, his mind pushing the thought of trooper to the dark reaches of his mind. The remedy for this would come later. It was a foreign thought to do this. To shield these things from the one who had taught him so much, but he knew. In the crevices that pressed forward when he would seek counsel in front of his grandfather's momento. It was so confusing, this ordeal with _her_. He'd figure out the matter later. For now, he would go to beck of his master.

Dials were pressed and the door was open to where there was nothing but walls that shaped around a space large enough he could walk through and find a spot in the middle of it to sit. It revolved in place as he moved onto his knees, sitting on his calves and the heels of his feet. All the while the knooks and cranies that sealed themselves from the inside out, solidified. If only to be shaken by the drawl from his master.

"My boy.."

Kylo Ren's head bowed before the imagery of Snoke. "Master."

"What have you to report to me? Has the nobles accepted their place in our legion?"

"Yes, Master. The hand picked haved ascended as proper representative for The First Order and as High Lord."

"And I assume the others have been disposed of?"

"Yes, Master."

"Good." Through the void, he felt a hand caress his hair. The light brush of fingertips across his chin, "You continue to ripen under my guidance." It made his skin crawl. "The confliction I've felt within you is dampening.."

With that, Kylo presumed that the meeting would be short lived. The rest of the news would be had in the open chamber with Hux, "..Ever so slowly." He felt the growl of the distaste in his spine. If not for the practiced control, his reaction would have been visceral.

"I'm sorry, Master." For now, his hands merely flexed along his knees. "It's just been frustrating.. I just.."

The explanation was shoddy, fumbled despite the practiced calm. Regardless, it was cut off by an unnatural shift in the air and suddenly he was hauled from his stationary position, pulled well into the air. "My foolish, foolish boy.. It is in your frustration, your **anger**. You find solace." Before long he felt an undeniable pressure on his throat.

It squeezed like coiling vice. "You must recognize it. Seize control of it, warp these emotions into what you will. What **I** will."

There was a struggle to breath, but Kylo gritted through it. "Y-yes.. Master."

For a moment, there had been the emphasis. The tightening further and for a moment, his mind slipped elsewhere. To find the awaking punishment a blur and see himself where he wished to, to tend to matters that were lurking. Not in the present, but in the far reaches locked away.

At that, he was dropped onto his hands and knees. Given the reprieve of a breath, but the imperious shape of his master loomed in. "Perhaps it is something else..?"

He felt the imposition coming almost immediately, pressing for the stretch of his mind. The interlocked empathy swaying him to his previous stance on his knees, "It is nothing, master." 

Kylo rushed with stealth to strength his barriers. He thought of his orders, his disgust with the nobility that was only tolerable for their use of his master -- and tool for the First Order; he thought of his anger at his failure, his alliances -- anything but her..

"Ah, your rivalry with the general.."

Successful, but false. But, he did not say otherwise. Instead, he bowed his head before his master with a pained sigh. When really, it was one of relief. "Yes.. It is an obstacle to find some accord with him."

"I have told you of these distractions, my young knight. But.. Hux is a valuable asset."

"I wish to kill him," he admitted, which had some truth.

It only made Snoke hum low in his throat, "Perhaps, but he serves his purpose. As you will yours. You must maintain focus, dismiss this disturbance or use it as a means to bolster your power of the darkness, to drive your purpose. And you remember this purpose, yes..?"

"Yes, Supreme Leader. The Glory of the First Order."

"The Force will sustain you, my young apprentice. Remember all I have told you.. Perhaps **this** will purge this unrest in you.."

And suddenly, Kylo felt a cold like no other.

He didn't know how or when he exited his chambers, but he remembered nothing but seeing red, shrouded by an endless wall of darkness in front of his eyes. He didn't know where he was, or what he was doing, until he felt a pulse in his chest.

* * *

FN-2187 was making her way from her shift on sanitation duty with her head beyond the chrome walls around her. Her mind on the image of Kylo Ren returning with the stain of blood on his robes and a satisfied leer from Commander Hux. And since, she had avoided him, not wanting to think of him and this life that she dealt with. Not wanting to think of her being put on the field now that she knew Captain Phasma had nominated her, amongst others, to be the next in many operations to be assigned to the next of important missions.

Training had been simple, methodical, detached. Life.. blood.. was something else. It made her queasy just thinking about it. 

The stormtrooper had barely any mind of her surroundings. Not even noticing that coming towards her was the devil himself, in the flesh. He moved with the fluidity of a ghost.

And he was making his way towards her.

The width of his gait made him devour the space between them. There was strength and purpose, a barely restrained energy bottled in his shoulders and in the wicked curl of his fingers. A frightening intention behind each and every movement, and before she could think to move -- his hand shot forward and so did she. Till the breastplate of her armor collided with his palm and his fingers curled and suddenly she was hauled from her station to corridors otherwise restricted to her.

It was too dark to see, but it wouldn't matter given seconds later she was tossed across the floor. Only to be hauled up to Kylo's height by that same invisible hand. 

Adrenaline pumped through her head as she came to realize what was going on. It was hard to believe, but it was happening. A slow restriction beginning around her throat and her head becoming cloudy. Her body frazzled, between shock and horror -- her mind undecided whether or not to crumble where she was, or potentially fight.

Her training came to mind. Close quarters combat was doable, if she tried. He was only inches from her, if she could just focus -- just **move**. She could do something.

And yet, she couldn't. She couldn't imagine doing anything else.

She felt terrible and stupid, more than she was afraid.

Eight-Seven recalled the kiss she had felt only days prior and the closeness they had, the intimacy. It rushed in her head and she felt the corners of her eyes prickle with tears. Fighting her mind to ignore the recollection of them finally departing, when he cradled her face in both of his hands as if she meant so much more and pressed his mouth over hers. 

Despite the sharp hard buzz of the sword of light activating, her body could figure itself out. Not when she demanded it so.

She never imagined wanting to hurt him. But, now she felt foolish imagining he'd never want the same..

Suddenly, she was dropped just in time with the red lightsaber. The impact ringing through the hall with a heavy 'THUD' and the hot cleaver itself charring the very floor.

Coughing, FN-2187 took gulps of air, pushing at her feet to shuffle away from Kylo Ren while he sank to his knees. He let loose a sound something like an injured animal. It shook her to her core, and if it were not the paralyzing fear already in her, she would have bolted away from him. The black gloved hands gripping the helmet atop his head as if wanting to rip it off, but his hands was shaking. **He** was shaking.

Her hands pushed to pick herself up. Only to stop midway as she heard him, the soft, timbre of his voice just above a whisper.

"N-no.. I never.."

Eight-Seven didn't know why, she stopped her steps to walk away.

"I-I .. I never wanted to hurt you.."

 _Then, why.._ The words rung in her head, and though she didn't speak it was like he heard her all the same.

"I wanted to fix this.. He said you were making me weak.. but, I couldn't hurt you. I can't, you're.. You're too.."

Besides herself, she turned. "Too what?"

"Too much. You mean too much."

FN swallowed, her heart settling in her throat. "But, you did.."

"Snoke he.. Please, you must understand."

Eight-Seven heard the soft taunts of her fellow stormtroopers in her ear. The weakness of these emotions she felt and her inclination to serve them. For once, she felt they were right. Making her feel this.. foreign need.

"Please.. I'm sorry."

His voice creaked with the sound of his begging and her heart twisted. "I'm _sorry_."

Her eyes clenched shut behind her helmet as his hand reached out towards her.

"Please.."

She took it.


End file.
